Valleywag: Owen Thomas

Extremely literal boss demotes editor to columnist

Owen Thomas — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 15:00:00 PST

In the wake of his apocalyptic predictions for the online-advertising market, Nick Denton, the owner of Valleywag publisher Gawker Media, read my offhand quip about how I would soon be writing Valleywag as a column for Gizmodo or Gawker, whichever will take me" as a brilliant business suggestion, and he's taking me up on the idea. (Gawker, as it happens.) Nick, I was joking, but if you really think I have such keen insight into how to manage your Web properties, why not make me a strategic consultant to Gawker Media instead — and give me a hefty raise while you're at it?

1,259 insults on one page

Paul Boutin — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:00:00 PDT

As a human being with a soul in there somewhere, I've avoided blogging about the Xeni-Violet scandal. But as a wannabe comedy writer, I found myself obsessively poring over the 1,200-plus Metafilter comments on our report. I'd forgotten why I love-hated Metafilter: It's a boyzone of spiteful, pseudonymous insult comics, but many are snappy with the English language. "Instead of calling it what it is, they're going to clown us with semantics." Red meat for you guys at MeFi: The "homophobic" headline on yesterday's post was added by big gay Owen Thomas himself. Discuss.

I've had it with you people

Owen Thomas — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 08:00:00 PDT

I promised I wouldn't take another vacation. The last time I did, all hell broke loose. Larry and Sergey turned a Nasa base into their private jet hangar, Six Apart dumped its CEO, and Kevin Rose broke his iPhone. I dread the notion of leaving the Valley unsupervised for a week. But since September, I've replaced my entire collection of minions. Valleywag is now run by two drunks, a fag, a whore, and a madman. I am leaving Valleywag, and you, gentle readers, in their hands for a week, while I reacquaint myself with sunshine. And perhaps a wee bit of tin-smithing. I shall return on June 30, with the fervent hope that there will be a few Facebook and Yahoo executives left to write about by then.

Valleywag editor spins firing as great leap forward

Paul Boutin — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 13:00:00 PDT

Sweater-bear editor Owen Thomas just sent the following email to staff here. It's so obviously designed to be leaked that my only reaction is: Owen, can you please not use the little asterisks for bullet points? Movable Type screws up the formatting when you blockquote them. MORE

Valleywaggers,
As I've told you all personally, I've fired Jordan Golson. It's a sad decision; I will always be grateful to Jordan for contributions like the kicker "That seems easier" and the tag "We read Twitter so you don't have to"; but the parting was, perhaps, overdue.

In its wake, I wanted to reinforce some points I mentioned in our conversations:

1) Valleywag hasn't had any budget cuts. I'm sure the usual bloggers who blog about blogging will find a way to prove otherwise by counting the number of posts about Scoble or something, but they're wrong. Both Melissa and Paul will be posting more than previously.

2) If you read elsewhere that Denton only cares about pageviews now, they're wrong. If we've given you that impression, we're sorry. Here's a straightforward list of our priorities, starting with the most important:

* Covering the news of the day that's vital to the Valley — artfully, distinctively, and completely
* Giving our readers insight and insideriness they won't get anywhere else
* Telling the story of the Valley as a human one, not as a series of dry tech trends or stock tips

3) We have an opening for a Valley-based reporter. To be clear, this is not a replacement slot for Jordan Golson. It is a more senior role, for someone with deep Valley sources and a passion for Valleywag's mission.

Yours,

Owen

Owen Thomas ruins Julia Allison for the rest of us

Paul Boutin — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 15:20:00 PDT

"At first, she wore a va-va-va-voom dress. I told her she'd catch pneumonia. Now she wears a sweater and jeans. I'm very proud of that." — Valleywag editor and sweater bear Owen Thomas, bragging — bragging! — about his campaign to stamp out the last remnants of glam in Silicon Valley. Thanks for nothing, bosstard.

The 250

Paul Boutin — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 05:47:25 PDT

Not every conversation happens online. A phrase you won't find on Twitter or Technorati is The 250 — pronounced "two-fifty" — a cruelly sarcastic euphemism used in real-life conversations for the small, cliquey group of self-appointed Web 2.0 insiders who seem to spend their days blogging and Twittering about one another. The gist is that The 250 are the 250 people who matter to The 250. None of the other 6 billion people on Earth care which of The 250 are dating each other or got onto a panel at South By Southwest. I'm loathe to name names other than Valleywag editor Owen Thomas, whose site the other 249 check obsessively for mentions of themselves.

Robert Scoble almost made Owen Thomas cry

Owen Thomas — Tue, 11 Mar 2008 07:01:45 PDT

Your editor, awkwardly embraced at Six Lounge in Austin. (Photo by Caroline McCarthy)

Sunday-night cocktail recipe: Sweet Caroline, dash of bitters, stir

Owen Thomas — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 10:40:30 PDT

Think of a high-school reunion held the day after you graduate: That was the vibe at the Side Bar Sunday night, where Gawker Media (publisher of fine weblog media products) threw a party for Valleywag and our sister sites, io9 and Lifehacker. We won Twitter praise for the free beer and minimal line out front, despite the wall-to-wall crowd in the Side Bar's expansive patio. Valleywag alumna Megan McCarthy, whom I never see in San Francisco — yes, she's been avoiding me — showed up toting Wired's award for best website started before most SXSW attendees were born.Vile videoblogger Loren Feldman showed up and didn't say anything truly nasty, to my disappointment.Julia Allison appeared, dressed as Julia Allison with a furry, green hat. Scott Beale and Brian Solis were on hand lensing everyone; Beale caught me and Caroline McCarthy of News.com having a moment, above. More photos, after the jump.

Were you there, too? Or just want to add a caption? Leave a comment here or on the photo page.

(Photo of McCarthy and Thomas by Scott Beale/Laughing Squid; Loren Feldman and Owen Thomas by Brian Solis; gallery by Noah Robischon)

Anybody else sick of those smug bastards living it up in Austin?

Nicholas Carlson — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 07:40:10 PDT

"I'm bored as fuck and jealous all those assholes are in Austin and I'm not," my colleague and professional troublemaker Richard Blakelely told me over the weekend. Social media minx Alisa Leonard concurred in a Twitter: "not at sxsw and feeling like everyone went to the prom besides me." My sentiments, exactly.

"Want a lift, Pete?"

Owen Thomas — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 06:28:36 PDT

Mashable's Pete Cashmore and your editor at the Side Bar in Austin. (Photo by Caroline McCarthy)

Julia Allison crashes SXSW, explains it all

Melissa Gira Grant — Sun, 09 Mar 2008 15:17:58 PDT

Professional funnylady and amateur gossip Heather Gold just invited Julia Allison, professional gossip and amateur tech event crasher, onto her panel on — ha, ha — Gossip. "Explain to Shaila [Dewan, New York Times correspondent] what you do again," asks Heather, "since her coverage is of real disasters and not the Internet." Her response?

Provided by an audience member: "How much did you pay Julia, Owen, to come up here and make Valleywag more sympathetic?"

Update: The audience is now actually liveblogging our liveblogging. We stand by our "slutty, cheap" headline about her panel crashing, including the photo accompanying of the official SXSWi admittance badge hanging around her neck.
As for the rest of the crowd?

Six Apart's Anil Dash thinks it's all of our fucking faults.

Lane Becker of Get Satisfaction says "this was the best SXSW panel ever" —

— and then thanks Valleywag emeritus Nick "Leave Julia Alone!" Douglas for running that hot tub photo years back.

Owen Thomas is my boss

Nicholas Carlson — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 23:57:47 PST

owenthomas: Landed at AUS. What's the plan, folks? I'm on California time and the night is barely legal.

How do you annoy me? Let me count the ways

Paul Boutin — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 18:52:32 PST

My gripe about Web 2.0 invites has prickled a few PR 2.0 types who fervently believe that my career will just explode if I sign up to get spammed on Eventbrite. Look, people: In one day, Valleywag nitpicker-in-chief Owen Thomas will typically contact me through (1) email, (2) SMS, (3) IM, (4) voicemail, (5) Campfire, (6) Facebook, (7) Movable Type comments and (8) Tadalist which he uses only because it sounds gay. Usually he wants to remind me that we're supposed to use an to italicize words in posts but an tag in comments. (And I had to fix his HTML in this post, too. - Ed.) So if you sent me a Super Press Release on Facebook, I was too distracted to notice.

Valleywag finally, finally dubbed "porno" site

Paul Boutin — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:00:15 PST

WebProNews writer Jason Lee Miller has no problem with Melissa Gira Grant's awesome, awesome service journalism for underserved Valley boys. But he's taken aback by that Gene Simmons video. I wondered myself: Why is it on Valleywag? "The ecosystem that the Valley, from Google on down, has built," editor Owen Thomas replied, "enabled Simmons to bypass the traditional media and promote himself directly to fans." Translation: It was on the Internet!

Insight into the inner workings of Valleywag

Jordan Golson — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 17:00:28 PST

Before I started working at Valleywag, my favorite posts were always the "too insidery" ones that gave a peek behind the curtain. Here's a brief excerpt from Valleywag's group chat today, as our fearless leader tried to change the topic from Apple's Web services to Cisco, the telecom giant which announced earnings today.

Owen T.
Can anyone tell me how many billions of dollars more Cisco makes than .Mac? Thank you.

Jordan G. http://www.alleyinsider.com/2008/02/live-analysis-cisco-earnings-csco-in-line.html
Owen T.
Right. Thank god someone's working while you guys are debating .Mac.
Cisco tipster tells me that if Chambers uses phrase "cautiously optimistic" in conference call, it's time to run for the hills.
Campfire = audience of 4
Valleywag = audience of 100K plus a day

Jordan G.
We should make Campfire public

Nicholas C.
Gawker used to do that
sorta

Jordan G.
publish a transcript of the best moments from campfire

Nicholas C.
they'd pub IMterviews w/ each other

Owen T.
True. But until then SOMEONE FRICKING POST ABOUT CISCO PLEASE KTHXBAI.

Nicholas C.
Cisco earnings QL in

Valleywag editor is "a bitchy young man"

Paul Boutin — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 05:39:47 PST

... but not as bitchy as former Valleywag editor Nick Denton. This according to definitively bitchy MIT Technology Review editor Jason Pontin. He just friended me on Facebook, so I guess I'm bitchy enough.

Jason Calacanis has "all the money"

Jordan Golson — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 17:34:20 PST

After warning me that he was coming to the CES Press Room and to "stay out of his face," blog blowhard Jason Calacanis stormed over to me to "introduce" himself and slam my boss and brag about how much money he has. Money can't buy you a snappy comeback, however.

When Calacanis was almost out the door, I yelled across the room, "Google's better!" — than Mahalo (there's your link, now quit your bitching), that is, the "human-powered" search engine that's currently keeping Calacanis off the street. Having no response, he slunk out the door to peals of laughter.

Valleywag's 3 biggest goofs of 2007

Paul Boutin — Sun, 23 Dec 2007 19:24:11 PST

The trick to running a gossip blog is to reject most of the rumors you get. Otherwise, no one believes anything. You quickly learn to spot the gullible chatter, the obvious attempts to plant a story, the too good to be true. Well, usually. We blew it big three times this year by trying too hard for the scoops.

Fake Steve Jobs is Wired's Leander Kahney. Former editor Nick Denton's meticulous analysis of FSJ's prose leads him to believe a fellow ex-Brit is the pseudonymous Steve Jobs blogger. It isn't just wrong, it's patently ridiculous to Kahney's colleagues — the guy's just not mean enough.

Drunk employee crashes 365 Main's colocation site. A tipster uses credible inside knowledge of 365 Main's operations to pass new editor Owen Thomas a timely, credible story that turns out to be completely wrong. The story delivers 145,000 pageviews worth of wrongness. Lesson: Even autistic sysadmins can be full of baloney.

Mark Zuckerberg cashes out. A rumor published at midnight on a weekend during the holiday season gets sprayed all over the Net inside of an hour. Wall Street Journal reporter Kara Swisher shows up at my door in person to tell Owen he's a frigtard.

The perils of drunkblogging

Owen Thomas — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 01:22:00 PST

"Quick, post the pictures before you sober up!" the ever-helpful Paul Boutin emails me. I'd love to, Paul, but it seems that Brian Lam, gadget expert, forgot to put charged-up batteries in this superhigh-tech, amazingly unusable Sony camera he lent me. Thanks, Brian. This is why he's running a gadget blog and I make fun of venture capitalists for a living, people.

I managed to snap this one pics-or-it-didn't-happen piece of photographic evidence. It proves that good times were had by yours truly and Eric Eldon of VentureBeat. After that, I put down my now-useless, superhigh-tech, amazingly unusable Sony camera, which if I haven't mentioned it, was lent to me by my good friend Brian Lam, gadget expert. I look prettier with a lemon drop in my hand than a camera anyway. Flickr photo sluts Terry Chay and Jeremy Pepper were also there, so you can check their streams for more.

Oh, and confidential to Caroline McCarthy of News.com: You were missed. And much discussed. No, we're not telling you what was said about you. Hope you enjoyed those Mission margaritas, babe, but let me tell you, nothing's sweeter than Valen's cocktails, and nothing's more bitterly delicious than North Beach gossip.

Did I mention that Brian Lam, my good friend, was a gadget expert? And that he lent me a camera?

My last damn calendar post

Megan McCarthy — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 13:17:45 PST

True story — back in October, Valleywag editor-for-life Owen Thomas and I were sitting in a coffee shop in North Beach going over party-correspondent duties and expectations and the future of the blog and all that other stuff that you talk about when you're talking with your boss. "I want you to do a Valleywag Calendar post every day," he declares. I try to steer him towards an occasional calendar post, because, let's face it, a calendar post is boring, and it ends up taking longer than it should because sometimes there's nothing worthwhile going on in this town. Anyway, I'm trying to explain to Owen that a daily post might not be the best use of my time, and, suddenly, he gets all quiet and still and the color drains from his face and his eyes roll up in his head so you only see the milky gray-white underside. And this loud, low-pitched, controlled growl comes out from the space within his goatee: "You will submit a calendar post every day by 11 a.m." And thus it was decided. So, let's take one last look at what's on today's Valleywag Calendar, shall we?

SVASE is having a holiday party for "cash-strapped startups and entrepreneurs" tonight at Blue Chalk in Palo Alto. [Upcoming]

Copyright-challenged a capella group The Richter Scales are having a holiday concert tonight at 8 p.m. in the Noe Valley Ministry. [Facebook]

What started out as a meeting with my boss to go over expenses and whatnot has turned into a farewell party. (Though if he thinks I'm waiting until 4 to start celebrating, he's nuts.) Come on down to Moose's after work and share a drink, and I'll tell you all the stories I was too nice to put on the blog. [Valleywag]

Santacon is tomorrow! You have your suit and hat, right? Right?

Got a to-do that's a must-do? I'm not available to take your call, but you can leave a message after the tone.

Kara Swisher, the mean lesbian who blogs ...

Owen Thomas — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 15:12:57 PST

Kara Swisher, the mean lesbian who blogs for Rupert Murdoch at AllThingsD, just called me "the town work whore" in an email. What does that even mean? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Here comes another takedown

Owen Thomas — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 13:07:13 PST

"Here Comes Another Bubble," the charmingly derivative video by the Richter Scales which satirizes Web 2.0 in the style (and to the tune) of Bill Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire," is gone from YouTube. The reason? A copyright claim by an unspecified third party. One possibility: Sony BMG, the record company which owns Columbia, Joel's label; lawyers there might take issue with the use of Joel's composition. YouTube and Sony BMG struck a deal last year, though, so that seems unlikely. Another possibility: Lane Hartwell, the photographer whose photo of yours truly was used, uncredited, by the Richter Scales. Hartwell posted about the incident on Flickr. I sort of wonder if this was all my fault — and not just because I was in the video.

Here's why: In a conversation with Hartwell last week about the photo, I'd asked if she'd considered taking up her copyright claim with YouTube, where the video was hosted. I called Hartwell today to ask if she had, indeed filed a DMCA takedown request with YouTube, but didn't get an answer.

From the tone of her Flickr post, though, it's unlikely Hartwell was very satisfied by the Richter Scales' response, which suggested that it was simply too difficult to credit everyone whose work they incorporated into the video. In an interview with Kara Swisher, Richter Scales singer Tom Shields defends the video as engaging in fair use.

I'm not a lawyer, but I've heard plenty of lawyers say that fair use is a murky and difficult area of copyright law. The role of photo credits in copyright law is likewise not entirely clear to me. Giving credit where credit's due simply strikes me as the polite thing to do. And surely not that difficult.

I suspect that the members of Richter Scales were simply lazy. The photo Hartwell took of me is the first search result for me in Google Images. It's not particularly apt, either; I was working at Business 2.0 when she photographed me. On top of that, it makes me look even more jowly than I am.

But enough about me. The issue here is credit, and whether it's hard to give. I've reposted the video above for the sole purpose of discussing the works that went into it. Please view it, and if you recognize a copyrighted photograph whose author deserves credit, please name him or her in the comments. I'll start: The photograph Hartwell took of me was originally published on Epicenter. The iconic photograph of Michael Arrington smoking a cigar was taken by Ramona Rosales for Business 2.0. Those two credits only took a few minutes to identify and write. How hard could it be to fill in the rest?

That was the weekend that wasn't

Owen Thomas — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 01:17:52 PST

I should have taken my colleague Paul Boutin's recap of the week as a warning. Normally I take the weekend off, and I shouldn't have made an exception. But that Lucy Southworth is just so geekily adorable in this Stanford-office photo I felt obligated to cover her wedding. If it happened.

Late this night, I got a confirmation that some people I knew had, indeed, traveled to Necker Island for Google cofounder Larry Page's hitching to the Stanford Ph.D. Okay, the wedding didn't happen Saturday — yet another error in Wikipedia. This much is for sure: The Clintons didn't show. As far as I know, the wedding took place today, assuming the celebrity guests weren't blown down by a gathering storm. I asked Google PR to verify that the company still has a president of products. No answer yet. Which is a problem, since losing Larry is a risk factor the company mentions in its annual report.

The other big nonstory of the weekend? Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg's sale of exactly $0 million worth of stock. What was I, drunk? Yes. I was roundly and deservedly abused for airing the false rumor. This is what I get for working overtime? That's it, folks: From now on, I'm taking the "end" in "weekend" seriously.

Top-secret Valleywag gathering exposed!

Megan McCarthy — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 14:31:56 PST

We've reported on everyone else's holiday gatherings. It's only fair to spill about our own, don't you think? It's tonight at Valleywag uberspecial correspondent Paul Boutin's impressive sky-palace. The dress code is "rockstar," so expect Paul to be wearing his Armani sunglasses, Owen's hair to be extra pointy, and Nick Douglas to be in a suit and tie. You want in? IM me with a story I can use for my last hurrah before I shuffle off this bloggy coil and move to a respectable publication. Cheers!

Valleywag editor hates technology

Nick Douglas — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 19:58:12 PST
In an effort to fight off the rise of the machines, Valleywag editor Owen Thomas knocked over a monitor that cost more than his salary (that's just our little joke, Owen doesn't have a salary) at the NewTeeVee conference held by his former writer Om Malik. Former Valleywag target Ryan Block, editor of Valleywag owner Gawker Media's blog Gizmodo competitor Engadget, took this photo of the aftermath with all the love in his heart.

I have the worst boss ever

Jordan Golson — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 06:29:01 PST

You think you have it rough, little cube farmer? Try working at Valleywag. We ragged on egoblogger Robert Scoble when he became a fan of himself so it's only fair that we do the same to the Valleywag — my boss, Owen Thomas. I hate Facebook spammers, and he's become one. Next thing you know he'll be buying some bulldogs and filming himself driving down the highway. *shudder* I quit. I'm going to go work for Boutin at Wired or WSJ or wherever he's slacking off today.

At least Mr. Valleywag is self-aware enough to know that he's a shameless Facetard. The worst part? Owen only has one fan.

Goldilocks and the two bears, a fairy tale

Paul Boutin — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 23:04:49 PST

A reader sent this no-explanation-needed clip of some guy talking trash about Valleywag's totally gay editramp-in-chief, Owen Thomas. Owen isn't really "fat and smelly," but he is kinda touchy.

Hoosier daddy? Indiana reporter trades university beat for university job

Tim Faulkner — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 13:21:55 PST

When we first began to cover the many close relationships between flauntrepreneur Scott Jones's ChaCha search engine and Indiana University, the Indiana Herald-Times was one of the few local newspapers to closely question the relationship. Steve Hinnefeld of the Herald-Times was even following Valleywag's coverage, and came to similar conclusions: Although nothing legally wrong occurred, IU officials' failure to disclose their ChaCha ties was suspicious. However, since then the newspaper has provided the issue little attention. Why?

We've learned that Hinnefeld, referred to as the "IU watchdog" for the Herald-Times, left the newspaper for a media relations position at ... Indiana University. Surprise, surprise. It's reassuring to know that Nick Denton isn't alone in hiring his critics. When Owen Thomas tires of me writing about ChaCha, I look forward to a comfy desk job in lovely Bloomington, Indiana.

What Gizmodo and Valleywag talk about when they're not working

Owen Thomas — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 09:05:15 PST

Gizmodo editor Brian Lam and I had the following conversation on AIM this morning:
GadgetFanBoi google is talking about the gphone
GadgetFanBoi lets get on the conference call
Valleyfag I'm on the IAC call
Valleyfag Way bigger deal for me than a frickin' PHONE THAT DOESN'T EXIST
GadgetFanBoi =)
GadgetFanBoi lol
GadgetFanBoi you should post that
(Disclosure: Lam and I are paid to goof off on AIM by the same guy.)

Fake Steve to face angry mob at book reading

Jordan Golson — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 15:28:29 PDT

Yes, tonight's the night. Dan Lyons as Fake Steve Jobs is meeting Segway-polo fanatic Real Steve Wozniak for an Options reading at the Menlo Park Keplers at 7:30. This is a party that we just can't miss. Some of us anyway. My boss is too cheap to let me expense a Virgin America flight cross-country. Owen "Mr. Bigglesworth" Thomas will be there, purring away. So will Megan McCarthy, the self-proclaimed "Princess of the Valley." Finally, very special correspondent Paul Boutin (boo-TAHN) will be there with his wife, Christina Noren, whom voters on Dig a Silicon Valley Girl have deemed the prettiest girl in the area. You don't want to miss that! Hit the jump to see what Fake Steve had to say the last time Woz crashed his party.

Isn't it just like Woz to show up and try to steal the spotlight from me on my big day? He's like the ex-girlfriend who shows up at the wedding dressed in a really hot sexy red dress, trying to take attention away from the bride. Fair enough. Apple geeks love Woz better than me. Always have. So of course he can't resist showing up on iPhone day to steal some of the love that was supposed to be aimed entirely at me. Plus, and this is really sad, Woz just thrives on the adulation and can't get enough of it. It's almost a sickness, the way he needs it.
Who's dentoned himself now, Lyons? We can't wait to see you make nice with the Woz. He might run you down with his Segway if you aren't careful.

Brad Fitzpatrick says "Boo!" and I do too

Owen Thomas — Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:51:50 PDT

Googler Brad Fitzpatrick has dressed up as Facebook for Halloween. Ironic, since he might easily have been a Facebooker dressing up in Google's primary colors right now. Before jumping from Six Apart, he interviewed at both Facebook and Google. And now the two companies are set up for a tumultuous clash — not just over hiring one employee, but over the future of online ads. Facebook is set to announce its own targeted-ad network next week, taking on Google's AdSense; Google is soon to launch open standards for widgets, competing with Facebook's platform for developers. Dave Morin, who manages that platform, had his AIM status set with this message: "Bring it, Fitzpatrick." It's getting scary up in here. Which raises the question: How am I going to put the fright on Silicon Valley this Halloween?

I don't need a costume. I'm just going to go around telling people I'm the Valleywag, to see if they jump out of their skins. Trick or treat!

Is 23-year-old Harvard dropout Mark Zuckerberg ...

Owen Thomas — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 16:08:25 PDT

Is 23-year-old Harvard dropout Mark Zuckerberg worth $3 billion, as ignorant slut Kara Swisher of AllThingsD believes? Or nearly $5 billion, as Valleywag has reported? Silicon Alley Insider's Peter Kafka has absolutely zero fresh reporting to add on this matter, but he says he wants a cage match between us to settle the matter. No way! That mean lesbian would claw my eyes out in three seconds flat. I'm glad she's wasting time in Hawaii right now instead of doing some real work. [Silicon Alley Insider]

For lazy print reporters, Web 2.0 Summit attendance now optional

Owen Thomas — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 13:24:10 PDT

Reporting is hard work. So why bother? That seems to be the rationale behind a new Q&A session scheduled for tomorrow afternoon at the Web 2.0 Summit. Program chair John Battelle will answer questions for journalists who can't be bothered to actually, y'know, attend the conference. Another option for even lazier hacks: Just read Valleywag's minute-to-minute coverage. Special correspondent Paul Boutin and I, we've got your back. Hit the bar instead. Your editors need never know.

Who am I and why am I here?

Evelyn Nussenbaum — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 09:53:03 PDT

I'm Evelyn Nussenbaum. It's not an existential question. But in case you're wondering where the lovely and talented Owen Thomas has gone, the answer is Hawaii. With his spouse. Leaving me to fill his extremely large (but stylish) shoes. So who am I? The short answer is that I am a refugee from the late, great Business 2.0 Magazine—ok the October issue is coming out, but it's the last one. This is a collector's item, people! But my stint at the New York Post is probably the most relevant to Valleywag. OK, I was a business reporter, but I sat next to Keith Kelly and across from the King of All Gossip Columnists Richard Johnson—something must have rubbed off. I'll report, you decide. And you don't need to see a picture of me—I look fabulous, especially sitting here in my pj's.

I need a vacation already

Owen Thomas — Fri, 07 Sep 2007 19:00:01 PDT

I've had it. Between you vicious commenters and my cold, ruthless overlord, I'm near my breaking point. So Mr. Valleywag and I are headed west for a week on an abruptly scheduled vacation. (What's west of San Francisco? I'll leave that to the geographers among you.) I'm leaving the site in the hands of my former Business 2.0 colleague Evelyn Nussenbaum, pictured here. What really gives me hopes that Evelyn will make it through the week is not her experience at the deuce, as valuable as that is. No, it's the fact that she spent three years at the New York Post, back to back with the Page Six crew. If she can work for Rupert Murdoch, she'll manage just fine. Tip your guest editor!

Playboy wants coeds to "commune" on the Web

Owen Thomas — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:01:31 PDT

In this clip from CNBC, a Playboy executive describes his company's new social network, PlayboyU, as a place where college students can "commune" with each other. Right. If that's what you want to call it. My take? "The bunny's not going to get much of a bang," I told CNBC.

Kara Swisher, the ambush journalist of Silicon Valley

Owen Thomas — Fri, 17 Aug 2007 11:32:53 PDT

A warning to all you Valley types: If a short, dark-haired woman with huge sunglasses gets near you, run. It could possibly be Kara Swisher of AllThingsD. The Wall Street Journal reporter turned conference organizer has a videocamera, and she's not afraid to use it. To get an idea of the kind of damage she can do to your company's image with this device, look no further than this clip featuring yours truly and colleague Megan McCarthy.

Someone get Google's users a waaaahmbulance

Owen Thomas — Wed, 15 Aug 2007 09:06:11 PDT

CNBC reporter Julia Boorstin chatted me up about Google's drop in the customer-satisfaction rankings, amid a host of complaints about Gmail, Google News's new comments experiment, and other bad moves. My assertion: Yes, Google's got a valuable brand, but its users don't have a deep emotional connection with that brand, and it's ultimately a fragile relationship. How fragile? Check out the eyebrow action! You know a company's in trouble when a pundit deploys the dreaded raised eyebrow.

Facebook breach is like naked Brangelina photos, says Valleywag editor

Owen Thomas — Tue, 14 Aug 2007 17:11:06 PDT

When I compared the inadvertent release of Facebook's source code to a tabloid publishing nudie shots of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, CNBC host Melissa Francis said she had no idea what I was talking about. Heck, I had no idea what I was talking about. I think the point was that the episode was embarrassing but mostly meaningless. Sort of like this clip!

Julia Allison turns Valleywag editor straight

Owen Thomas — Thu, 09 Aug 2007 09:27:35 PDT

I have a confession to make, folks. Remember that Julia Allison character, the New York-based TV commentator and magazine columnist who swept through town not long ago? Okay, yes, I'm technically gay and technically married, but the state nullified my marriage and Allison, more recently, nullified my gayness. We're totally going out. The apparent dalliances with TechCrunch editor Michael Arrington and Vimeo founder Jakob Lodwick? Just cover stories. Consider them Allison's beards. I'd post more but Julia's calling to me to reset her Wi-Fi connection. I don't have the heart to tell her I can't program my way out of a paper bag.